It was two days after my fiancé and I had broken up. She left back home to Gqeberha, and I stayed behind in Cape Town where we were supposed to be on holiday. It was not the holiday we had desired to say the least. It was a messy time, one where I was struggling to find the Lord. My faith was being tested in every which way imaginable, and I didn’t know what the new year would bring. I was heartbroken, confused, angry, frustrated at myself, and just a bit lost. I was concerned at how ‘quiet’ the Lord was being- I hadn’t really felt the Spirit move in me in several months and wasn’t sure which direction to turn. Even if Kate and I hadn’t just gotten ‘unengaged’, I still felt lost.
An old school friend reached out to me to check in with how I was doing and in turn, invited me to join her and her sister at a NYE Worship evening to usher in 2023. I would have just been home alone with my mom, and so I figured it would be a nice changeup. I was also curious as to what an NYE party at a church would entail! It was being hosted at a new church I had never heard of, planted in Fish Hoek by Australian missionaries. At first, I was cautious when I heard that they were New Apostilic, but I was quickly told after that they weren’t the odd kind of Apostolic church… somehow it didn't make me feel any more at ease. But the people seemed alright, and I trusted my friend. And besides, it was only meant to be chilled worship and prophecy evening.
After some singing and dancing and praising the Lord, we moved into a more serious mood and the pastor gave a fitting message for the new year. Being a relatively young Christian and moving mainly in Baptist and Methodist circles, I had never really been opened up to prophecy. I understood the basic principle of prophetic words but never dug deep into their purpose. So I was glad that the sermon was on this topic. The evening was meant to be a worship and Prophecy event - and I was calmed by the way the pastor guided us before moving into a time of prophecy. There are a few select words that I remember from his message, “If you are here tonight to hear a new prophecy, or to be assigned an easier task than one that has already been given to you by the Holy Spirit, then you should leave now.”
Prophecy doesn’t give you new information; it reaffirms what has already been placed in your Heart by your Father since before you were born. It is an encouragement, a conviction, a call to action, a roadmap, or even a guiding path to help you along the way.
Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ****But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
Although the path may be hard, it is by committing ourselves to the journey that the Lord has placed before us. He never gives us a task we cannot handle, and He is always there to help us along the way. My mind had been opened, and I was keen to hear if there was any word for me that evening. I needed something to remind me of what was important, even just a glimpse to hold onto. I relaxed and opened my mind and my heart to what the Spirit of the Lord might have for me.
“Before we move into our time of prayer and prophecy, I would like to single out someone if that is alright?” the congregation nodded as the pastor said this. He then turned to me and asked me my name. “Would it be alright if I pray for you before we get started?” he asked.
“Sure thing” I stood nervously, and he took me by the hands and led me to the front of the room.
“Am I right to think that you are a writer?” I nodded and quickly explained that I write poetry for fun but hadn’t written in a long time. I had always intended to write more. At the start of 2022, my one resolution was to write more devotions and psalms and spend more time worshipping through my writing. It never really happened though. Throughout that year, my faith rose and fell, and I never felt settled. The more I fell into depression, the harder it became to write. I had every intention of writing more again in the year ahead. I was also a bit taken aback by how the pastor knew this; I had never met anyone in this church before, and my old friend didn’t know that I write poetry.
As he shared what the Spirit placed on his heart for me, I too was filled by the fullness of God. I felt His love once again, His peace, and I felt that He was extending His hand to help me through all that I was battling through. I also tried to listen to the words of the prophecy, but instead, my ears turned silent, and I felt the meaning in my heart. It was an affirmation, a reconditioning of what my Father had written there before I was born. The one scripture I do remember being read was Psalm 45.
My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skilful writer. You are the most excellent of men, and your lips have been anointed with grace since God has blessed you forever.
At that moment I knew and understood God had given me a gift to be used in His kingdom. It was my calling to recite verses for the King as my lips had been anointed with grace. I melted down in tears and sat in peace, letting the message of the Lord sit in me, fill me, and gave it all the room in my heart I could muster so it may be with me forever. I’ve held onto these words every day since and am inspired by them every day to keep finding ways to live out the actions the Lord has written on my heart.